Please help me understand

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Re: Please help me understand

Post by Ronda on Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:46 pm

Hi Debbie, we are in WV by the way, but I soo know how you feel about the no love! If you have read any posts over on the Grey Forum at all about a TAG named SweetHeart and all the troubles I have had with her that is me! lol We are still dealing with it all! I never got to see her either at all before we got her and I do think that is a big thing, We also got her later than others did for the breeder wanted to make sure she was well weaned, so we didn't even get her till she was 6 months old. That was another negative against us. She is in no way a lovey bird at all. She will barely even sit with me before she wants to go back to her cage and be by herself. Is there a favorite food at all that Obi likes? Maybe a toy? I found a toy that SweetHeart likes and I only let her play with it when she's with me. And she loves this chicken and rice dinner that I make so when I make it she only gets to have some if she comes and sits with me. She is slowly coming around and I mean slowly. If you don't think you have the patience for it than I totally understand because we are going through the same thing here with her. It is hard, but we did it with our Quaker and have now had her for 9 years. She was abused when we got her and she literally took chunks out of our hands. And it does take time, it will not happen in a matter of weeks or months. For some lucky ones depending on how much time they can devote it can I guess. But for most it will take a little while. So if you can't do that I would suggest finding a new home for Obi. PM me and tell me a little more and what you guys have decided, being your only the next state over maybe I can see if I can help at all with re-homing Obi if that is what you both decide. I do hope for the best for you! I know it is hard, and trust me I know how hard it is to spend that much and than it not love you! Wow do I know that too well! But I guess I am stubborn lol cause I am determined to make her love me somehow. Good luck to you! And if you need anything and especially support either way, don't hesitate to write!

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Re: Please help me understand

Post by Lovelylew on Mon Apr 28, 2008 9:44 pm

Thank you all for understanding and answering. My husband and I discussed rehoming Obi tonight over dinner. When we got back home, I offered Obi to come out of her cage, and she came out. She's sitting on top of her cage right now with her toys. I figure while I'm working for another hour or so, I'll let her stay out. I don't like leaving her in the cage, and she's usually out 3 plus times per day. I've tried keeping her on my finger for a short while (usually 1-3 minutes or so) and then she can't wait to get to the top of the cage. Yesterday while having her out on my finger, she actually nipped at me, and I guess she wanted to go on top of her cage. I told her "no bite" and didn't take her right over, thinking that I'm going to try to be the one in command. After a minute, I then took her to the top of her cage. I live in York, Pennsylvania, so if anyone knows of someone looking for a young female African Grey, please do let me know. I want what's best for Obi and want to be sure she is well taken care of and happy. Thanks again for all who answered.
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Re: Please help me understand

Post by kimmie_30 on Mon Apr 28, 2008 7:18 pm

i understand where you are coming from and like clairbear said you need alot of patience to deal with the bird, and alot of time if you could spend at least a hour or half hour with him a day and do the same thing over and over again it might work. i have a parrotlett that is driving me nuts right now mist of the time i cant touch him then i have those days where i get mad and i put a glove on and deal with him that way, he yells bits but then after having him out i take the glove off and he calms down a lil. i just believe you just need patience with any bird
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Re: Please help me understand

Post by Siobhan on Mon Apr 28, 2008 7:10 pm

I was lucky in the sense that my first grey was the exact opposite of the stereotypical grey, she is outgoing, adventurous and really cuddly. So when Oisin wasnt I could wait because I was still getting my kicks out of Liath. I do understand what you are saying. They are sooo expensive when you add the cage and toys and all and when all you get is bites in return it is so frustrating.

Obi is definitely young enough to be rehomed. I dont suppose your breeder would buy her back? Failing that where are you? There are lots of websites that sell birds you could use. Or your local paper maybe? Believe me I would take her in a heartbeat if it wasnt for the small matter of an ocean between me and where ever you are and a hubby that would literally kill me if I brought another parrot into the house Very Happy

As for feeling upset that you want to find her a new home. I can only speak for myself, and personally I would rather you found her a new home, than grow to resent her, possibly leave her in her cage too often, and then have a bird with a problem in a year or two. That's probably how all these birds end up in total messes because their owners didnt care enough to look at rehoming them sooner. You obviously do care about her to even consider rehoming her.
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Re: Please help me understand

Post by ClaireBear on Mon Apr 28, 2008 5:51 pm

I understand how you are feeling. When we got Cash we could not even touch him. He has come around some the the year plus that we have had him but it has been a ton of work, a ton of bites, and a lot of patience. He was supposed to be my boyfriends bird but my bf has become afraid of him due to the many bites. He is now my bird as I have put in the time to "tame" him. If you are getting fearful and frustrated and don't feel you can or want to put in the time necessary to do so, I would recommend rehoming him. I am sure that he would fit in nicely in another family. If you have any questions about things that have worked with Cash I would be more than happy to help. I am not an expert but I do know what has worked for us. If you let me know where you are located at I can see if I can be of any help if you should choose to rehome him. We are not here to judge you but I do hope I can be of some help!

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Re: Please help me understand

Post by Lovelylew on Mon Apr 28, 2008 4:47 pm

Not only that, I'm starting to get afraid at that nasty look she gives when she wants nothing to do with you. It's not fun being bitten to the point of having blood drawn. Oh my! I'm so confused and kind of upset about this.
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Re: Please help me understand

Post by Lovelylew on Mon Apr 28, 2008 4:46 pm

Siobhan, thank you for your reply. Honestly, I'm just not sure I have the patience required to wait a year. I'm so up in the air about what to do, and I'm not happy with feeling like this.

I feel like we should find Obi another home. I just don't think her personality is going to blend in with ours. My husband is becoming very frustrated as well because she will not even give him the time of day, drawing back when he even attempts to speak to her.

Needless to say, after making this large financial investment, we're both very disappoined. Obi was our 25th wedding anniversary gift. We are loving people, and our cockatiels and keeshound adore us. Unfortunately, Obi just isn't fitting in very well. I kept hoping and hoping, being extremely patient and getting excited at ever little small piece of affection. She's just not a friendly bird at all.

She is young enough to have someone give her a good, loving home, and maybe work more extensively with her. Actually, I'm not fond of being bit or nipped at, especially with all the work that goes into feeding and cleaning her.

I really do not want other bird lovers on the forum to be upset at my feeling this way. I wish I could have visited with Obi more before we purchased her to avoid this. I also worry about finding Obi a good home. I certainly want her to be treated with love and respect.

Do you have any suggestions of how I would go about finding her a good home? Thank you again, Siobhan for answering.
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Re: Please help me understand

Post by Siobhan on Mon Apr 28, 2008 4:26 pm

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Oisin my second grey wasnt a bit like my first, or all the ones you read about on the web. I kept trying to figure out if it was something I did different, or something the breeder did different or what. Honestly I think it is just that Oisin is different to Liath.

Take my kids for instance. I have 2 kids who tell me everything, constantly looking for approval and attention, and I have one kid who is his own man. When I ask him how was his day, he says Fine! and wanders off to do his own thing. I think Oisin is like him. When he wants cuddles he comes looking for them. But when he doesnt he tries to remove my fingers Smile On a positive note though, after almost a year Oisin is slowly coming round, looking for more cuddles, interacting more, trying to hold conversations with his baby babbling. He is starting to play with new toys a little more readily. I dont think he will ever be the outgoing monkey that Liath is, but he is starting to act more like I thought a grey should act.

So I suggest you hang in there. Let Obi have her off times. And try again later. She is still trying to get to know you too after all. Sometimes even Liath, my snuggle bunny, isnt in the mood and tells me to back off. And a half hour later she asks me for a cuddle (literally - she says Wanna Cuddle?)

I hope this helps ???
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Please help me understand

Post by Lovelylew on Mon Apr 28, 2008 3:19 pm

Why is it so difficult to get Obi to respond in a positive way? The day before yesterday, she was a pleasure, today she won't come out of her cage, and has been nippy at me. Why should a pet be this difficult to work with and win your love? I just don't get it. I thought having a pet should be rewarding for both you and your pet/companion. I'm getting very disappointed and discouraged. Maybe I made a poor choice? Maybe I have a tempermental/unaffectionate bird? Please, no flames, I'm trying to understand. Thanks for listening.
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